Monday, June 10, 2013

Procrastination, Excuses, Poop, and X-rays

I could have majored in Procrastination, but I had other things to do. Monday mornings are really hard (no cliches here). One might think getting up and getting out of this house would be great for Monday, but I don't quite operate like that. I need to piddle around on Monday. Instead of working out in the morning, I might try something for Mondays-aim for the slumpy afternoon for me and the chaos that happens after naps but before dinner for the kids. If I can stick them in the Tree House and let them play, therefore avoiding the WHINING at home despite my best efforts to be the crafty, involved mom, I can power through the slump with one of a trillion interesting classes at the Y. Then maybe I won't be so angry that I have to feed all You People at dinnertime. You mean you have to eat again?! And I have to cook it?!

Slow (ha) Interval Training started one minute ago. I did not anticipate having to plunge a toilet this morning (thanks, toddler)! At least my excuses involve poop. That's always acceptable.

Now that I've discussed poop, it's time to talk about my insides and boobs, naturally. I got a spinal x-ray at my chiropractor's last week. Picture time! Let's talk about how my boobs have wreaked havoc on my spine/neck.

Exhibit A: Full frontal and side shot

This is about as close as I'm going to reveal about The Boobage pictures. Check out how far down they droop-almost to the top of my pelvis. I knew they were out of control, but I had no idea they were all the way down that far. WHAT. My neck's curvature is also jacked up due to the breast tissue pulling it down. But look at that nose! That is just wild to see my bones and such!

Exhibit B: T8-T10 Arthritis
The pencil marks on my T8, T9, and T10 vertebrae show arthritis due to excessive breast tissue. This bit right here is what shocked me the most. I knew they were huge, but I had NO idea The Boobage was causing actual spinal physical damage. I mean, dizzamn. Time to get these sweater puppets whacked off.

If I don't get this fixed, I could cause accidents and scare the General Public. Maybe that will be the bra I get discounted with my filled up punch card at the Bra Whisperer I visit to buy my specialty bras. This is a special one, all right.

And then I'd have to steal my grandma's walker, trick it out to lift it up to chest level, and rest those pancakes on them to wheel around The Boobage. I'm sure it would pay for itself if I ditch the bras completely:
That concludes my picture posting. No one wants to see visuals of the plunger shenanigans. In future posts, I plan to wear the jeans and the dress that are my goal items to serve as Before Pictures to one day look back and laugh at how it looks like I tried to stuff the biscuit dough back in the container after you pop the cylinder with the back of a spoon.

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